Local Lunatic Claims Mobile Phone Test Will Turn Everyone into Zombies

Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse? A local man warns of impending doom as the UK prepares for a routine mobile phone emergency warning test.

A local resident in the UK is warning that the upcoming national mobile phone emergency warning test, set for April 23, will turn everyone into zombies. Despite authorities reassuring the public that the test is routine and other countries use similar systems, the man insists the end is near.

The man, who remains anonymous, stood on a street corner with a sign that read “The end is near! Mobile phones will turn us all into zombies!” When questioned, he ranted about government conspiracies and the dangers of technology.

“He’s been going on about this for weeks,” another resident said. “It’s ridiculous. I don’t know where he gets these ideas.”

The test is designed to alert the public to emergencies such as natural disasters or terrorist attacks. Other countries including the US and Australia use similar systems.

The resident believes the test is part of a government plot to turn people into mindless zombies. “They’re trying to control us, man,” he said. “They want us all staring at our phones all day.”

Despite his claims, authorities assure the test is safe and necessary. “We understand some people may be concerned,” a spokesperson said. “But it is routine and other countries have used similar systems successfully.”

The resident continues to warn about the dangers of mobile phones and the zombie apocalypse. “You’ll wish you’d listened to me,” he said.