Google Employees Riot After Company Bans Staplers

Outraged workers demand the return of their favorite office tool.

Google has implemented a new safety policy that has left employees up in arms. The tech giant has banned the use of staplers in its offices, citing concerns over the sharp, pointy objects.

“We’ve decided that staplers are just too dangerous for our employees to handle,” said Google CEO Sundar Pichai. “We want to make sure that everyone who works here feels safe and secure in the workplace.”

But the policy change has sparked outrage among Google employees, who say they rely on staplers to keep their work organized and efficient.

“It’s ridiculous,” said one Google software engineer, who wished to remain anonymous. “How are we supposed to put together reports or presentations without staplers? It’s like they want us to live in chaos.”

Protests erupted outside of Google’s headquarters in Mountain View, with angry employees carrying signs that read “Save Our Staplers” and “We Won’t Be Silenced”. Riot police were called in to control the crowd, but the protesters refused to disperse.

“We won’t stand for this kind of oppression,” shouted one protester. “We demand our staplers back!”

In response, Google has offered to provide alternative office supplies, such as paper clips and rubber bands. But employees say it’s not enough.

“Paper clips? Are you kidding me?” said another angry employee. “That’s like trying to put out a forest fire with a water pistol. We need our staplers, and we’re not going to stop fighting until we get them back.”

The situation remains tense, with no resolution in sight. In the meantime, Google employees are being advised to use caution and stay away from sharp, pointy objects in the workplace.

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