Paris Votes to Ban Rental E-Scooters, Citing “Nuisance” and “Safety Concerns”

City Council Cracks Down on Trendy Transportation Fad, Leaving Tourists and Hipsters Reeling.

Paris, the city of love and light, has taken a firm stand against the scourge of rental e-scooters. The city council voted overwhelmingly to ban the popular transportation option, citing concerns about safety and the “nuisance” factor of the vehicles.

“We simply cannot tolerate the chaos that these scooters have brought to our beautiful streets,” said city council member Jean-Pierre LeMaire. “They are a menace to pedestrians, a hazard to motorists, and a blight on our city’s reputation.”

The decision has left many tourists and hipsters in shock, as e-scooters have become a ubiquitous presence on the streets of Paris in recent years. The vehicles, which can be rented by the minute with a smartphone app, have been praised for their convenience and eco-friendliness.

But critics say the scooters have also caused a spike in accidents and near-misses, as riders careen down sidewalks and dart through traffic. They have also been blamed for littering the streets with discarded scooters and causing a general sense of disorder.

The ban will take effect immediately, leaving rental scooter companies scrambling to find new markets for their products. Some have suggested that Parisians may be able to continue using their own personal e-scooters, but that rentals will be strictly prohibited.

For now, the streets of Paris will be a little quieter, a little safer, and a little less trendy. But for those who have grown to love the convenience and freedom of the e-scooter lifestyle, the ban is a bitter pill to swallow.